Snow - continued........

The snow started at noon on Thursday Christmas eve..... and it snowed and snowed and snowed.... Then it blew and blew..... and drifted and snowed and........ Well, you get the idea. The snow didn't stop until Saturday morning. Christmas eve church services were cancelled. Andy, Seika and Kei came early and stayed over, but Carrie's family was snowed in.

Our plans were interrupted and changed for us. Maybe it was for the best. Sometimes our Christmas seems so hurried. This year it was quiet, because we had no choice but to stay home. God had a different plan for us it seems. Perhaps this is one of the ways God stops us to get our attention? I don't know....

Christmas

"I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year.
- David Grayson
American author and journalist (1870-1946)"

Blessings

Here's something I read: "When you are blessed, you feel obliged to bless others."

More later........

Snow

It seems appropriate that I make some mention of the recent snowfall. I think we've probably gotten a foot or more of the white stuff since last Sunday. It's very cold this morning and the winds are blowing all around. We didn't try to get out and go to work til the snow plow came down the street and now that Rand has the shoveling done, we are going to make a try to get to the office.

I've had a warm dry place to weather the storm. I have plenty of food in the pantry and spent this morning making a hot cereal for Rand and making a casserole for tonight's supper. I hope to take this casserole to the church for the potluck supper there tonight.

I wonder how many people did not have warm places to spend the night. How many people are wondering when their next meal is? Maybe I can help out just a little bit to make the world better for even one more person today. That's my goal. That's my hope. Maybe someone will recognize Christ because of my actions. Dear God, make it so.

Every-day Christian

Today I went to a worship service to remember the life of my friend Shirley, an every-day Christian. Granted, she was a Sunday morning Christian as well, but her faith in Christ sustained her throughout the week in all that she did. When I think of Shirley I always think of integrity. She was never excited about the latest craze. Her actions were based upon what God would have her to do. You always knew where she stood on a matter. When she spoke to give her opinion, we all took note.

Yet, she was not demanding that her way was the only way. She did not belittle the opinions of others but was gracious in hearing out another. Others may have different ways of doing things and that was okay by her, but she was not swayed. She knew what God wanted of her and she stayed on that path.

Shirley has been ill with cancer for several months now. This last Monday night, she left this life of pain for a better life with Christ. I am certain that she is at peace.

I don't have to wonder about this.

Hope

You, O Lord, are my hope,
my trust, O Lord, from my youth.
Upon you I have leaned from my birth;
it was you who took me from my mother's womb.
My praise is continually of you.
- Psalm 71:5-6
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I've said before, "There's no hope," and usually, I was making a joke about something insignificant. Maybe a cake didn't turn out looking like I wanted. Maybe my hair wouldn't lay straight. Maybe my desk was in shambles. Those things really don't matter in the long run.

But, in the important things of life, I always have hope -- not in my own goodness or abilities. Rather my hope is in God who can make something out of nothing. God is still in the business of creation, hope, healing. I trust God for those things that seem hopeless to me.

Now...... off to work to approach my desk that's in a shambles. Actually, it's all in boxes. The office is being carpeted, painted and rearranged. The cubicles are all being moved. I wonder where I'll find my belongings today.

Sunday morning Christian

Why do I get up and go to church every Sunday? I really love to sleep in, but then I would miss:
- Smiles
- An opportunity to sing boisterously and unabashedly
- The chance to be with a community of believers who bring their joys, cares and concerns to God.
- The opportunity to hear another person tell the stories of God.
- A quiet time for me to reflect upon how God is working in my life.
- Faith-sharing.
- A time to visit with my friends, (who also feel compelled to get up on Sunday mornings.)
- Hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.
- Shy little girls who sing along with the hymns, even before they have learned to read.
- Family. Not biological family, but brothers and sisters in Christ.
- Food for body and soul. Spiritual food to help me thru another week. Lunch out with friends to help me make it to my Sunday afternoon nap.
- Did I mention that I like to sing? Loudly and often. God is so very good!
- Peaceful, safe sanctuary.

That's all for now. Maybe more later.
I wonder what an everyday Christian looks like....... hmmm.........

Chill out folks!

Ok...... I know Christmas is coming. We received the LL Bean Christmas catalog the other day. I've seen Wal-Mart Christmas commercials on TV. My mother-in-law loaded up one closet with packages in August already. Tomorrow we will start shopping for the silly gifts we always buy the family.

Yesterday, I got the first of many emails bemoaning the secularization of Christmas. There are many of these things circulating. Most tell you not to patronize stores that say Happy Holidays or to refuse to buy certain products or some other silly thing. The author of these emails is never stated. What really irritates me is that friends mindlessly forward all this rubbish.

It's not just that people warn you "don't take Christ out of Christmas." I also get warnings not to buy products manufactured by certain companies because they are agents of the devil. And then there's the admonition to refuse certain US coins because they don't include the words "In God We Trust."

Yes, words matter, but if a person's life doesn't mirror the words, then the words are not real to the person anyway. (Does that sentence make sense?) A quote from St. Francis of Assisi seems appropriate here. "Preach the Gospel always....if necessary, use words." In other words, let your actions do the bulk of your talking.

Honestly, I just can't get all bent out of shape about a person saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." The intention is to greet me and wish me well. I just wonder why some folks are so all-fired upset about it.

An intruder

Tonight I feel so terribly inept, inadequate, unable, useless. I feel as tho I've stuck my foot in my mouth and really don't know if I should apologize or not. Perhaps it's just my perception... or maybe it's real. Here's what happened.

My friend Shirley is in the hospital. She has cancer and is very, very sick. Because of her illness, she has not been able to come to church for quite some time. Shirley has been active in the church, serving many roles, ever since I have been there. She would say her primary spiritual gift is teacher. She was one of the first women called as an elder in the congregation and for that, we honored her with Elder Emeritus status today.

Since Shirley couldn't come to church, we came to her. Shirley and her family were there. The elders and the pastor were there. The nurses kept bringing us folding chairs so that we could get more people into the room. We probably had fifteen of us there. I hope that our presence was accepted in the spirit in which we intended. I am certain that God was present with us in that hospital room.

But, somehow I felt as tho we were intruding upon a very private, intimate family time. I left the room as soon as possible, even tho I would have loved to visit with her and the family more.
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O God........ show me the best way to be supportive to my friend Shirley. Be with her and guide her along this journey. Give her hope for tomorrow and let her rest in your strength. My prayer for her family is the same, as her husband, daughters and son face the challenge of learning how to care for her. She loves you God. Be with her.
Love, Nancy

And God says, "Be still......... and know that I am God."

Grapefruit

Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
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Today, a friend introduced me to a group of folks I didn't know and who didn't know me. Her introduction was accurate, as far as it goes, but it makes me realize that she only knows one part of me.

We all have associations with folks in different capacities. How many can you name? The family relationships alone would take a long time. Then there's work, church, social, professional, casual relationships, intimate friendships. We show a different part of ourselves to each person we meet, depending upon how much we trust that other person, what we hope to gain from that relationship and how long we want the relationship to last. For instance, a relationship with my husband is very different from a relationship with the cashier at the grocery store. They each see a different part of me. I am willing to share a larger portion of myself with my husband than I am the cashier. (By the way, I have no doubt that the cashier is just fine with that.)

But all this got me to thinking about how I compartmentalize my life. Just like the sections of a grapefruit. I have a spouse section, a mother section, a grandmother section, a daughter section, a friend section, a church section, a work section and on and on. I even have a section reserved for self, that no one else knows. Like a grapefruit, sometimes life is sweet, sometimes sour, sometimes bitter. It all depends on how deep you dig into the section. Sometimes a grapefruit is whole, but sometimes it's cut open and the juices flow. When it's whole, no one sees the different sections, but when it's cut open, we see that some sections are larger than others.

And then I wondered..... do I even know all the sections of my life? I know how I feel about other people, but how do others see me? What things are there that I don't even admit to myself? Am I even aware of all that is within me?

No........ The answer to the last question is 'no.' But, God knows me. God knows all there is to know about me. God knows all the parts of my life and helps to make me whole. That's what the psalmist is saying.... O Lord, you have searched me and know me.

Something to ponder

This was included in one of those sappy emails that you are supposed to send on to 50 of your nearest and dearest friends in the next 5 minutes or something horrible will happen to you. I usually just use the delete key on those. However, this one gave me one little nugget to consider.

"Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect."

I wonder what blessings I will encounter today........ Will I recognize the blessings?

Why should I pray? How should I pray? Does it matter?

1 Samuel 1, especially verse 20 “Because I asked the Lord for him.”
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I was reading the story of Hannah. Her prayers were non-stop, asking the Lord to give her a son. The priest Eli thought that she was drunk because of the way she prayed. She tells the Lord that she will give the son back to His service, if only she can have a son. The Lord answers her prayer for a son, whom she names Samuel. True to her word, she gives Samuel back to the priest Eli to raise in the temple for the Lord.

Now, what does this mean for me? I'm not sure I believe that prayer works in this way, but maybe I'm missing something. It seems that Hannah asked, pleaded and bargained and finally God gave in. When explaining Samuel's name, she says that it means "Because I asked the Lord for him."

This isn't my understanding of God. Can we cajole, whine or plead favors from God to suit us? Is God unaware of our wants or needs? I don't see God hanging around saying, "Oh, I'm sure glad you reminded me that you need some food (or that Auntie Bertha is sick) because I had forgotten all about that." Somehow it seems quite a cruel way for a loving God to respond. It seems like a simplistic view of God.

Yet, repeatedly the Scriptures tell us to pray to God to make our wants and needs known. "Ask and it shall be given to you." (Matthew 7:7) "You do not have because you do not ask." (James 4:2) "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

What does it mean when you don't get what you want or think you need? When you don't get the job you want, but another person is hired? When you have a car accident, even though you prayed for God to keep you safe? When your mother dies from cancer, even though you asked that she be healed? When the Cubs aren't in the World Series for yet another year? Does that mean God wasn't listening? or that you didn't pray often enough? or loud enough? or hard enough? or say the right words in the right order?

It seems that I need to remember the words that Jesus taught us. "Your will be done, on earth and in heaven." Perhaps the reason to pray is to change my attitudes, my wants, my needs to be attuned to what God wants for me. I wonder if the reason for prayer is to build relationship with God.

Keeping confidences

Recently, I've had several folks tell me things in confidence. These were not secrets or gossip, but concerns or desires of their hearts. Sometimes they had a need to vent.

Of course, I do the same at my Monday thru Friday job. I ask very personal questions about people, their income, their schooling, their training, who they live with, why they got fired, why they quit.....and I hear lots of stories. Some laughable, some silly, others sad or just plain horrible. I've learned to listen well and reflect what the person has told me. That seems to be a rare gift.

So many people just need a safe place to tell their story and not be condemned by the listener. I am honored and humbled to be entrusted with these confidences. I wonder why they choose me. What is there about me that makes others feel safe? Hmmm...........

Reflection

On Sept 19, I met with a group of Disciples who gathered to vision and make plans to implement the vision. We made some progress, but got sidetracked into a discussion of how we communicate with one another.

There are those who freely admit that they are not good at electronic methods of communication (internet, e-mail, and all that falls within that bailiwick.) In fact, some seem quite proud of the fact that they don't use computers. My kneejerk reaction is to shake my head in frustration. It is quite a task to keep up with all these new technologies, but that doesn't mean we should give up trying.

I can understand laity's resistance to change. It's easier to stick with the familiar than to reach into the unknown. How many times have we laughed about the 11th commandment of Protestant churches? The one that says, "Thou shalt not (fill in the blank) because we've never done it that way." I shudder to think that some of our pastors resist these changes. Tell me...... Aren't pastors in the business of presenting the Gospel in order to transform lives? Turn away from the world and turn towards God. Now, if a pastor is not communicating that message then I think they may as well go back to selling shoes or flipping burgers. God calls us to be transformed. To be changed. To turn from what was to what is to be. God promises that life in Christ is a better way.

If pastors are content to allow resistance to change in this small issue of communications, then I'm afraid that pastors will not push for major changes in lives that are needed to become one with God. Our churches will stagnate. We Christians already have trouble convincing people that the Gospel is relevant to lives today. Let's at least present the message of God's love in a way that the world is willing to hear. We don't need to make it comfortable for us who already know Jesus Christ as our saviour. We need to find more ways to bring the Gospel to those who haven't heard the message.

What other things does the Church need to do differently to direct lives toward God? I wonder..........

Questions

Some things for me to consider:

-- Our faith is not about answers. Sometimes, our faith is more about questions. What are the questions for which I have no answers?

-- Distractions are everywhere. What distracts me from my goals? From my God?

-- Where is God leading me? Where am I going? Am I a good follower or am I trying to lead?

-- How often do we think it is our degree or training that qualifies us to do ministry?

-- Where do I see God in my ordinary and every day life?

-- What common things does God make holy?

-- Sometimes Jesus' teachings seem outrageous and are hard to understand. Which teachings are most difficult for me?

-- Am I always properly prepared to face the day? What do I need to be prepared?

-- In what way will I choose God today? How will the world know who I have chosen?

A change in plans

I tell you........ I'm confused and perturbed and amazed all at the same time. Here's what happened.

I thought I'd been watching and listening for God to tell me how to respond to the kids that show up on Wednesday nights to eat at the potluck meal. I really thought I understood what God wanted us to do to show the kids that we not only care that they have food in their tummies, but also that they have food for their souls.

So, I put signs on the tables last week, telling the kids to come to the balloon table after they finished their meal. Then this week, I went thru the supply room and found crafts, games, treats, coloring pages and crayons. I was ready. I knew the kids could only stay there until Mom and Dad were ready to go home, so I planned quick activities or things the kids could take home.

When I arrived tonight, I looked around the room. Where were the kids? There weren't any kids old enough to hold a crayon without eating it. What sort of a mean joke was God playing? There were two babies, but the games and the take-home treats were no good for babies.

So, I stopped and looked around. I had a short and rather heated discussion with God to let God know that I was confused, angry and hurt that he hadn't helped with the plan. After all, I thought it was God's plan. When did the plan change and why wasn't I notified? God told me there was a new plan. The babies could each have a balloon. One of the mentally disabled adults got a balloon, too. He was so very excited and even tho he doesn't speak, I knew he was saying thank you. Another young man took a balloon, saying he was going to write a note to his dad, tie the note onto the string and then let it float up to heaven. That's what he did.

We put the games, coloring pages and crayons back in the closet and will save those for another time. Of course, we gave away all the balloons, but that's ok...... those balloons gave great joy to the ones who received them. We'll blow up more balloons next week and maybe get the other things out of the closet, just in case God changes the plan again. You never know. I wonder what will happen next week........

I hurt

I just need to grumble and complain a bit. I have shingles and I hurt. The left side of my neck, chest, arm, jaw, shoulder, upper back..... It all hurts. I take the meds that the doc says relieves the pain, but those make me groggy. And I still hurt. This is just awful. I know others have had it worse, but that doesn't make me feel any better.

O God...... there must be a reason for this illness. There must be a lesson in it here somewhere. Let me learn that lesson soon and let's get on with living. God, o my God...... bring me health and wellness. And when I am whole again, help me to be more sympathetic to those who are suffering ill health. O God, heal me, I pray.
Nancy

Amazing

How has God amazed me? That's the question put to me tonight.

Learning of the ways that my life touches and intersects with other folks is probably the most significant way that God amazes me. Some are folks that I've only just met here at General Assembly for the first time, yet I meet them over and over. I stop to ask how they are doing and the next time, they check on me. Some are folks I've met only on facebook, but when we meet face to face, it seems that we've been friends for years. Some folks I don't know by name and may never see, but they are vital to my well-being. I'm talking about the cooks, the store clerks, the construction workers -- Folks who provide services and make the goods that I use every day. I don't mean to leave out family and friends whom I see and touch often, but those folks are a given. My husband, children, grandchildren enrich my life.

I Corinthians 12 talks about how we are all members of the body of Christ -- all different and all working together for the glory of God and the building up of the body. Amazing, isn't it? Our interconnectedness.

I wonder how God will work in my life tomorrow..... I wonder how God can use me.

Busy-ness

Lately, it seems I've been on the go a lot. Yet, I'm not sure I've accomplished much. We're going on vacation -- getting out of town for a bit. We will reconnect with family and friends. Perhaps we will meet new people. We will see some new places.

I pray that I can be God's messenger to those folks I meet. At the same time, some of those folks will be carrying a message to me. Will I be listening and paying attention? When I'm so caught up in day-to-day activities, I forget to stop and listen. I wonder what God has to say to me.......

Loss of a friend

My friend Marty passed away yesterday. He'd been ill for a long, long time and I would like to hope that he was ready to go from this life to the next. My hope is that he has found a life free from disease and pain.

Rand and I first met Marty about 35 years ago. The circumstances of that meeting were not ideal. Rand was coming to town to interview for a job. We really needed Rand to get the job. As he arrived in town, the car broke down. It was a Toyota and at that time, it was hard to find folks who could fix "foreign" cars. (Toyota hardly meets the definition of foreign today, but I digress......) Anyway, Marty was the one who fixed the car. I don't know how we managed to pay him for it because our financial situation was dire. I'm guessing that he probably didn't charge us as much as he should have, but he saw the need we had and helped a young man who needed transportation. (Thoughts of the Good Samaritan story here.)

Well, Rand got the job and we moved to town. After a while we started looking for a church and then were led to Broadway Christian Church. Maybe we were pushed there by Rand's grandmother, but that's a story for another time. Anyway, when we first went to Broadway, Marty was the first to greet us. We joined the congregation and Marty continued to encourage us as a young family. Over the years, I have watched Marty's commitment to God, to the church and that God-love that he shows towards others. I'm not sure I ever heard him articulate his faith in God, but he showed it every day.

There is another connection. Rand sings bass in a quartet -- Glory Road. Marty's son Larry sings baritone in that quartet. Marty quietly encouraged the guys in the quartet to keep on singing praises to God. The quartet appreciated his presence.

Just last night, I was talking with a young member of our congregation. This 15 year old boy remembered Marty as someone who always greeted him and was interested in him. It helps to remind me of our interconnectedness and our importance to one another and to God. No matter your age, your health, your financial status, your employment situation -- God uses each and every one of us. Isn't that great to know? God uses all who make themselves available. God does the work thru us.

So, today and in the next few days, I may shed a tear or two for the loss of my friend. But I have some wonderful memories that will live on and I am assured that Marty is living on now with Christ.
Nancy

Perspective

It seems that I only learn from my experiences after it's too late to make changes. How many times have I been in the middle of a situation, not knowing if I should go one way or another, and wished that I had a magic wand to wave and give me an answer? How many times have I looked back at my life and wished I had taken a different path? How many times have I objected to the guidance offered by those who love me? How often have I gone my own way, shunning the wisdom of others?

But yet, I can't change what was. I can learn from it. I am grateful for the good times and for the bad because both have molded me into the person I am. I'm thankful for the gentle souls in my life who have allowed me to make mistakes, for in those ways, I have grown. I've learned there are blessings in every situation. Sometimes I really have to look hard to find the blessings, but they are there if I will take the time.

I'm reminded of a story about a little boy who was annoyingly happy. No matter what happened, this little boy thought it was great. So, one time someone gave him a yard full of horse manure as a birthday gift. They thought, "That will teach him. There's no way he can be happy about manure." But lo and behold..... The boy was thrilled. When asked why, his response was, "I just know there's got to be a pony in there somewhere."

So, I look for the pony. It may take a while to find. I may have to dig around in the manure for a while. But with time, I can find the blessings in all situations. With God's help, I know I'll find the pony.

36 years

Whooo........ that's a long time! Rand and I were married 36 years ago today. Where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday and yet it seems like forever.

This week is marked with special events. Our wedding anniversary is today, good friends Bob and Karen have a wedding anniversary tomorrow, my very good friend Arlene's birthday is today. This week will mark the close of careers for three of my coworkers, Marv, LeAnna and Gary, and I will miss them. Another friend Marty is in the hospital, has not been well for a long, long time and it sounds as though his time is coming to a close.

Some weeks seem so humdrum. Nothing out of the ordinary from one day to the next. And then I have a week like this. So many changes. Nothing remains the same, but we adapt and move on.

I wonder what new things God has in store for me tomorrow? or next week?

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I came across this quote the other day.
"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wonder what people hear from me by my actions. Do my words and my deeds match? Or do I preach one message and live another?

Lord, forgiving God, my guide and my strength....... Help me always to live transparently. Help me to act so that others will hear me, even if I don't say a word. I want to live as your messenger here in this world. Grant me strength. Grant me courage. Amen.

I hab a code in by doze

Cough! Cough! Sniffle! Sniffle! Scratchy throat, itchy eyes, runny nose. Yup, I've got a cold in my nose.

But, it was bound to be. My grandkids have all had colds the past couple of weeks and they shared their colds with me. Aren't they beautiful kids? Is it any wonder this grandma gladly accepted their kisses and hugs, colds or no colds? How could I resist?

My cold will disappear soon enough, but the memories created with these wonderful children will last a long, long time.

Thank you God for giving me family.

My theology, as I understand it today

1. God loves -- me, you, the people I don't want to love -- no matter what.
2. God loves Hitler as much as God loves Mother Theresa. In other words, we cannot earn God's love by our actions. Neither can we stop God from loving us.
3. I'm meant to love other people and to act in loving ways towards others, even if the others are very different from me.
4. Heaven is not a place to go after a person dies, but it exists here and now.
5. I'm not sure I believe in a place called hell, any more than I believe in a place called heaven.
6. I believe there is evil and sometimes I substitute the word hell for evil. Often we make our own hells.
7. Why did Jesus come? I believe it was to show us humans how to live.
8. I don't believe Jesus died because of my sins. Yes, I sin, but I don't think a loving God would require anyone to die because of that. I'm still trying to figure this out.
9. So what's the purpose of Jesus' crucifixion? and resurrection?
10. My picture of God is not the same as anyone else's, but that doesn't make my way of seeing God either better or worse than the way another person sees God. Just different.
11. God means for us to love one another and to do what we can to make life better for one another. This means we need to consider both our individual and group actions. As an example, it is important to feed the person who is hungry, but it is equally important to support public policies that help all people to be adequately fed.
12. I love God. I need God in my life every moment.
13. God created and creates all things. Creation didn't happen only as described in Genesis 1, but creation happens every day.
14. God is still talking to people. The Bible is a recording God's interactions with people years ago. But, the stories continue today.
15. God is Creator, Jesus Christ and Spirit. Spirit is especially hard to understand because of the moldable nature.
16. Each day, I remember the words of the prophet Micah. "And what does the Lord require of you?"
17. Prayer connects me with God. I often pray by reciting the scriptures (memory verses) that I learned as a child and considering what that verse can mean in my life today.
18. Prayer may not change a situation, but it may change the way I look at the situation.
19. God works through people just like me, full of goodness and fault. It's just possible that I can be God to another person.
20. God has many names.
    
    I think this is all for now.

Endings

Sometime during the past month or so, I read the following in a daily devotion. "What needs to die in my life? What am I holding onto, out of fear, out of comfort, out of refusing to change, that is actually keeping me from living life to the fullest?" I kept trying to be very philosophical in finding an answer to the question and then it just knocked me upside the head.

My teeth! My dentist has been telling me for several years that my top teeth need to be removed and I need a denture. Well, now my teeth are verifying my dentist's recommendations and so I have an appointment to have that done this next week.

It's not my teeth that need to die, but my pride and my fear of the unknown. The present state of my teeth has been a source of embarassment for me for years. Yet even so, I knew what to expect. I have a fear that people will think less of me, tho I know this is not the least bit rational. I don't think badly of other folks who wear dentures. I may like or dislike them for other reasons, but certainly not because of dentures. I am afraid that I won't be able to talk with the denture. I don't want to give in to the realization that my body is growing older and that pieces and parts are wearing out. In my mind, I am still young, but my body tells me otherwise. I guess one of my fears is that once it's done, there are no do-overs. I can't change my mind. It's not like making a bad hair cut or hair color choice. My hair grows back again. I get second chances with hair.

And yet, I know that I'll be better off in the long run. My health will be better. I'll relearn how to talk. I'll have a prettier smile and won't hide my teeth anymore. Or at least this is what I am hoping for. So I'm trying to come to terms with this "dying."

Another quote that was on a Sojourners email this week: You should never let your fears prevent you from doing what you know is right. - Aung San Suu Kyi

Now, I'm not sure why these things make me think of my dental situation. Who can understand the wanderings of my mind and soul? There's no telling where I will end up on this journey of my life. Maybe next time I write, it will be something more interesting.

Glimpses of God on I-80

Some people complain that I-80 is so boring, but I find it peaceful. I'm very familiar with the road as I've traveled eastward from Council Bluffs to Des Moines or Newton or Iowa City or points beyond many times in the past 30 years. I know the good places to stop for a cold drink or lunch or restrooms. The only thing that seems to change is the location of the highway construction.

The good part of familiarity with the road is that it gives my mind a chance to consider other things...... or nothing. I can put in music and sing along. I can have extended conversations with God. I often marvel at the plants and the changing of the seasons. If the weather is bad, I can concentrate on my driving and watching the other cars and the big trucks. I don't have to worry about where the next exit is because I've pretty much got those all figured out.

On Monday I made a trip to the Christian Conference Center at Newton. The weather on Monday was not ideal for travel -- I hate to drive in rain -- but the trip over was relatively uneventful and left plenty of time for things mentioned above -- singing, talking with God, watching the plants, figuring out the construction zones. I spent the night in relative quiet since the TV at the conference center is limited to only two stations. Those are fuzzy at best and the programs didn't interest me. So, I thought I'd get a snack I had stashed in the fridge, read a bit and call it good.

It was a good plan except that I fell and sprained my foot. I slept fitfully, a few hours at a time and would readjust the ice pack they keep in the freezer. (It's a camp, with lots of kids running around in the summer, tripping over stuff, running into things. They have to be prepared with first aid supplies.)

By morning, I was wondering if I'd be able to drive back home by myself. I wasn't sure I could load the scooter and then walk from the rear of the van to the driver's seat. I decided to call Rand to warn him he may have to come get me. Others came for the meetings we had planned. I managed to transfer from my scooter to chairs and back, although it was painful and slow-going. I decided to try to drive back home alone.

I made it home fine with the help of some willing strangers to open and close my car's back hatch. I just didn't trust my foot enough to hold me upright. My foot still hurt like the dickens...... but not so much after my stop at the Adair rest area. There, I hoped to impose upon the people in a vehicle that pulled in next to mine. And then I stopped to look. Here was a young woman (20's), driving alone, with arm crutches, a hat pulled over whisps of hair and only one leg. Suddenly I was glad for a foot that ached because at least I have two feet. God shows us our blessings in unexpected ways.

That young woman was God present for me that day. I doubt that she knew it. I wonder when and how I have shown God's presence to others.

Proud to say I'm an Iowan

I've always felt that Iowa was a good place to be. The Iowa Supreme Court decision that was handed down this last week just reaffirms my thoughts. The Court said that it was unconstitutional to bar gays/lesbians from marrying. In other words, equal rights for all really does mean for all.

As I was reading a news story about the ruling, this is the comment that was made. "Iowa has a history of being in the forefront on social issues. It was among the first states to legalize interracial marriage and to allow married women to own property. It was also the first state to admit a woman to the bar to practice law and was a leader in school desegregation." Folks are always talking about how backwards Iowans are! Ha! I've always been proud of Iowa. When I hear about other states that execute criminals, I am grateful to live in a state that doesn't believe even the government has the right to take one's life. This latest Supreme Court decision reaffirms my belief in the goodness and fair-mindedness of Iowans.

Now, I wonder how this will play out. Will our pastors and our churches have the courage to marry gays/lesbians? Some denominations have already taken stands in favor or against. The congregation to which I belong has not made a formal decision. I wonder what we will do when we are confronted with the issue. Will we open our arms and our hearts to include all children of God? or will we turn them aside? I wonder......

Hibiscus and other blooming things

In the room where I write, we have the hibiscus plant that comes indoors to live during the winter. It struggles because of my neglect, for the most part. I forget to open the window blinds so that it can get a little sunshine and I forget to water it. When the leaves begin to curl in on themselves, I get the watering can... tho it may take me a day or so to do that. This is a hearty plant and it is patient with me.

The hibiscus blooms daily for weeks at a time. These are gorgeous, showy, huge flowers. They delight me and help me to smile. Those times are good for my soul.

But, this plant has its dormant times also. I think it is resting and gathering up strength to bloom again. I see buds on the plant today after a month or so of green leaves only. I think it is waiting for the warmth of spring and hoping to be allowed back out onto the deck again.

My life is much like this. Sometimes I bloom. Sometimes I rest and am dormant, storing up my energy so that I can be bold and show others the wonders that God has created in me. Sometimes I am dried up, curling in on myself, waiting for a drink of God's goodness and mercy. God is a better caretaker than I am tho because God's goodness is available anytime I am willing to ask for it.

I wonder why I forget to look for God?

The Wild Mouse

When I was a kid, it was a treat for us to visit the amusement park at Arnold's Park, IA. My favorite ride there was The Wild Mouse. It's sort of like a roller coaster, but smaller and more compact. That results in sharper turns, faster drops, shorter climbs. It was wood and metal and probably wouldn't meet all the safety standards of today. Danger was always imminent. That made it all the more exciting.

After a ride or two on The Wild Mouse, we would walk down the midway or walk down to the edge of Lake Okoboji while our tummies settled. Those walks don't hold any great memories for me, probably because I found them just to be place holders until I was ready for another Wild Mouse ride.

It seems that my life of the last few months has been much like my visits to Arnold's Park. I've had a lot of ups & downs, a lot of sharp turns in the road. Sometimes I feel that I will leave my tummy behind. And then I've had some times of quiet and peace. The difference is that now I've had enough of the Wild Mouse rides and I long for more leisurely walks around the lake.

I wonder how many more tickets I have for The Wild Mouse of life and I wonder if I can give those to someone else or if I can just turn those tickets in for a refund. I really don't want them anymore. I would rather have a peaceful walk. I'm certain that times of peace and contentment for my soul will come again, but I wonder when.

How can this be good?

Since Saturday, I have fallen twice really hard. I fell in the kitchen when I tried to get a drink of water from the faucet. My knee buckled and I was down faster than I was up. When I landed, I was wedged between the cupboards and the scooter. I have a huge bruise on my upper arm and a knot on my head. It's terribly sore.

Then last night in the Walgreens parking lot, I fell as I put the scooter back into the van. I have no idea how I lost my balance, but down I went. I hit my forehead on the back of the van and now, I have a sore red spot on my forehead.

I'm not worried about the marks. I lost my vanity for that sort of thing years ago. But, this hurts.

God, o God to whom I pray for protection....... How can this be good? Watch over me and protect me.

Unanticipated joy

Today I went to church, as is my usual routine for Sunday mornings. I went with a heavy heart. There's no serious crisis in my life at present, but the little things are all building up and it makes life seem grim.

The scripture was Mark 1:40-45 -- the story of Jesus healing a leper. Rev. Jann talked about compassion and the need we all have to be touched. I didn't come in the best frame of mind this morning. I guess I needed that touch, too. I heard the sermon during first service, then I went to Sunday School. During the second service, the little kids were ringing the bells. Little Stephanie just doesn't get it that she's only supposed to ring at certain times and so she just jingles and jingles the whole time. She dances and she doesn't watch the director at all, but we all just love her. Well, when that part was over, she was supposed to sit with her Grandpa, and he struggled to get her to sit. She escaped and I opened my arms and caught her as she flew down the aisle. She wanted to sit on my lap on my scooter. That was so good for me. I needed to sit there and hug little Stephanie. We didn't listen to the sermon, but snuggled and admired her valentine candies. She whispered to me, "I like turch." (Translation - turch means church) Stephanie was Jesus to me this morning.

A few weeks back, a morning devotion asked me, "Who do you expect to meet when you go to church? How would it be different if you expected to meet Jesus?" I wonder how our churches would be changed if more of us went to meet Jesus.

Whining

This morning, I discovered why my feet hurt. Well, really just one foot, but that's beside the point. As I looked at my foot, I discovered that the skin has split open on the bottom of my toes where the toe meets the foot. Dang! It hurts like a sonavagun. So I got out the Neosporin and the band-aids and taped it up. Then I got out my heavy duty lotion and lathered up my feet. Glad I'm not planning a hike for today. The dry winter air usually just bothers my lips and hands. This is too much.

Why is it that the little aches and pains throw us off kilter? Things like paper cuts on fingers, a stubbed toe, a bruised knee, a hang nail all make life miserable for a while. Then all of a sudden, I notice that my toe doesn't hurt anymore or my finger doesn't hurt and I wonder when it healed. It almost seems easier to have big problems -- tho I don't want those either, but it seems easier to get some sympathy for a broken leg than it does for dry toes. Yet, the dry toes with the skin split open is painful.

Well, enough whining..... I need to get on with living. There are so many folks with problems worse than this. But, I wonder........

Life matters

I just watched a movie where one of the characters said, "Life matters... even if only to the person living it."

There have been a lot of people who have influenced my life. I won't start naming folks for fear of leaving someone out. One first thinks of family, friends, teachers, pastors, coworkers. These are the ones who have lived with me and walked with me through the days and years of my life. They've seen me in good times and bad and I am grateful for them.

But, I can't ignore the folks whose life just brushes mine -- the people whose names I don't know, but whose actions influence me. I remember a situation at work from years ago. A client was so angry, he lashed out at me, calling me filthy names and mocking me. He was angry about his life situation, but he made fun of my physical inabilities -- all the things that go along with my ataxia. I was crushed at the time and had to leave work for a while to compose myself. I don't remember who he was and it's not important. What's important is that it caused me to do some soul-searching to try to figure out if I had aggravated his situation or not.... and to change things that were my fault in any way. He helped me to realize that we all have problems in life, but some of us just have problems that are more visible than others. He helped me to realize the need to be kind to all people I meet.

There are also folks who have made my life easier and I try to remember to thank them as I go along. As my ataxia worsens, I rely upon people more and more to do things for me. One of the greatest gifts a person can offer me is to open a door. Many, many people have done so. I used to tell people "No thanks, I can do it myself." Then, I realized that I was denying them the opportunity to give me what they had to offer. It's something I learned from children. Kids usually don't have the resources to give material things, but their kindnesses are a true blessing. I've realized that accepting a gift graciously is as important as giving. I'd much rather receive a sloppy kiss and hug from a three-year-old than anything from a department store.

So, does life matter? Yes, my life matters to me. I thank God for all the people who have touched mine in big or small ways. Whether it is for years or seconds, those brushes with another person are very important. I wonder how my life has touched others....

Food

I don't particularly like to cook. I don't particularly care what I eat. When folks say, "Let's go out for dinner. Where would you like to go?" My most likely response is, "I don't care. You pick a place." I'm a person who eats to live rather than lives to eat. So, what's the problem?

I can't eat today because of a medical procedure tomorrow. Because I can't eat, I am dreaming of yummy foods. Rand has fixed himself mashed potatoes to go with the leftover porkchop and gravy from yesterday...... Mmmm...... Would just a taste really hurt? Fresh baked bread would be wonderful. A roast beef au jus in the crockpot - Now there's a meal worth waiting for! As I opened the freezer to get another ice cube, so many things appealed to me and I wondered if just a little bit would be ok.

But, I know it would not be ok. Why do we want what we can't have? It gets us into trouble every time. Just last week when the temperatures were below zero, there was a story on the front page of the newspaper about a 6 year old boy who put his tongue on a pole and of course, he was stuck -- just like in the movie Christmas Story. He said he knew he shouldn't do it and he wouldn't do it again, but he'd been resisting for a long time and just wanted to give it a try.

I've done things I know I shouldn't have done. I don't plan to make this forum my personal confessional. I'm not Catholic and don't really understand how that whole thing works. But at least for tonight, I'm going to resist the food temptation. After the procedure tomorrow, I can eat again..... so maybe I'll spend the evening figuring out what to eat first.

A part of the story I overlooked

Today, I re-read the story of Jesus' baptism by John. It's a familiar story to me. I've read it many, many times in my 50+ years. But today I heard something different and I am so very surprised.

When John baptized Jesus, the story says that the sky split open and a voice came down saying, "This is my beloved Son in whom I am pleased." What I never noticed before was that Jesus was the only one who saw the Holy Spirit or who heard the voice. Read the story yourself in Mark 1:9-11. Pick any translation you like. I've checked many.

That's how it is...... we hear something and make our own assumptions about the details of an event without really listening. How many times have I heard just a little bit about a person or an event and made up the details to suit my own purposes? Seems like that's how bigotry and prejudice start.

Well, I've got to get to work......... and I need to really listen to what people are telling me. I need to quit filling in the blanks for other people. That's what I learned from today's scripture reading.
Nancy

More favorites

1. My husband Rand. He's my favorite friend and lover. Well, he's my only lover and my very best friend. He cares for me and loves me like no one else. I thank God for him every day of my life.
2. Mountains. Specifically, Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado. That place reminds me of the power and glory of God. What a place!
3. Iowa farm fields. The corn and soybean rows are so orderly. The terraces are arranged so carefully to make a beautiful design.
4. Two things I once thought were luxuries have now become necessities. Mondays are my favorite days of the week because one week the Merry Maids come clean my house. The next week, I have a massage at Ancient Wisdom. Everyone should be so lucky to start their weeks this way.

My favorite things

In an earlier post, I said that I would make a list of things that remind me of God's goodness. Here are a few, in no particular order and I'll edit and add more as I think of them.
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1. Ice water..... for it quenches my physical thirst as God's presence quenches my spiritual thirst.
2. Children, especially my grandchildren......in small doses. They remind me that I must have the spirit of youth and a spirit of wonder to enter God's realm.
3. Older children -- young adults really. For they dream of what should be and how this world could become. They have the audacity to believe that dreams can come true. (And I use the word audacity as a compliment.)
4. My work. When I see folks who don't have jobs and want to work, I give a prayer of thanksgiving for my job, even tho it's not always easy. God cares for me enough to give me a means to provide for my physical well-being. I try to do my work to benefit others that God cares for.
5. My home. It's not fancy, but it suits my purposes. Again, this reminds me that God cares for me and protects me.
6. Coffee. I'm not sure how this reminds me of God's goodness, but I sure do like coffee. I probably drink entirely too much of it.
7. Sleep. "And on the seventh day, God rested."

And now, I'll rest also. More later.
Nancy