One of my gifts

This week, I discovered one of my gifts in the midst of a meltdown -- or maybe I just named it. Yes, I had a meltdown at work when I was trying to maneuver my scooter, misjudged my spacing, misjudged my speed and wiped out some plastic file holders. It made a terrible crash, but no one was injured and for that I am grateful. I just had to leave the mess for my coworkers to clean up and I retreated to the break room to get coffee and pull myself together.

A coworker was there to get coffee also. She hadn't heard the commotion I caused and asked the simple question, "So how are things going for you today?" My tears started to flow and I just couldn't stop myelf. She hugged to comfort me and shed a few tears herself.

My discovery is that one of my gifts is compassion. I have internalized so many of the distresses that others have shared with me. People tell me the most amazing things about the hurts, trials and losses that they've experienced. I wonder if there is a sign on my forehead that says, "Tell me your troubles. They are safe with me and together we will see if we can figure out a solution."

Others see me as a strong person....... and I guess I am because I know that God is there supporting me along the way. I always remember that God's got my back. Sometimes I need another person to be God to me....... "God with skin on," and that's who my friend and coworker was this week.

Thanks, Fancy...... from your friend Pants.

Life matters

I just watched a movie where one of the characters said, "Life matters... even if only to the person living it."

There have been a lot of people who have influenced my life. I won't start naming folks for fear of leaving someone out. One first thinks of family, friends, teachers, pastors, coworkers. These are the ones who have lived with me and walked with me through the days and years of my life. They've seen me in good times and bad and I am grateful for them.

But, I can't ignore the folks whose life just brushes mine -- the people whose names I don't know, but whose actions influence me. I remember a situation at work from years ago. A client was so angry, he lashed out at me, calling me filthy names and mocking me. He was angry about his life situation, but he made fun of my physical inabilities -- all the things that go along with my ataxia. I was crushed at the time and had to leave work for a while to compose myself. I don't remember who he was and it's not important. What's important is that it caused me to do some soul-searching to try to figure out if I had aggravated his situation or not.... and to change things that were my fault in any way. He helped me to realize that we all have problems in life, but some of us just have problems that are more visible than others. He helped me to realize the need to be kind to all people I meet.

There are also folks who have made my life easier and I try to remember to thank them as I go along. As my ataxia worsens, I rely upon people more and more to do things for me. One of the greatest gifts a person can offer me is to open a door. Many, many people have done so. I used to tell people "No thanks, I can do it myself." Then, I realized that I was denying them the opportunity to give me what they had to offer. It's something I learned from children. Kids usually don't have the resources to give material things, but their kindnesses are a true blessing. I've realized that accepting a gift graciously is as important as giving. I'd much rather receive a sloppy kiss and hug from a three-year-old than anything from a department store.

So, does life matter? Yes, my life matters to me. I thank God for all the people who have touched mine in big or small ways. Whether it is for years or seconds, those brushes with another person are very important. I wonder how my life has touched others....