Endings

Sometime during the past month or so, I read the following in a daily devotion. "What needs to die in my life? What am I holding onto, out of fear, out of comfort, out of refusing to change, that is actually keeping me from living life to the fullest?" I kept trying to be very philosophical in finding an answer to the question and then it just knocked me upside the head.

My teeth! My dentist has been telling me for several years that my top teeth need to be removed and I need a denture. Well, now my teeth are verifying my dentist's recommendations and so I have an appointment to have that done this next week.

It's not my teeth that need to die, but my pride and my fear of the unknown. The present state of my teeth has been a source of embarassment for me for years. Yet even so, I knew what to expect. I have a fear that people will think less of me, tho I know this is not the least bit rational. I don't think badly of other folks who wear dentures. I may like or dislike them for other reasons, but certainly not because of dentures. I am afraid that I won't be able to talk with the denture. I don't want to give in to the realization that my body is growing older and that pieces and parts are wearing out. In my mind, I am still young, but my body tells me otherwise. I guess one of my fears is that once it's done, there are no do-overs. I can't change my mind. It's not like making a bad hair cut or hair color choice. My hair grows back again. I get second chances with hair.

And yet, I know that I'll be better off in the long run. My health will be better. I'll relearn how to talk. I'll have a prettier smile and won't hide my teeth anymore. Or at least this is what I am hoping for. So I'm trying to come to terms with this "dying."

Another quote that was on a Sojourners email this week: You should never let your fears prevent you from doing what you know is right. - Aung San Suu Kyi

Now, I'm not sure why these things make me think of my dental situation. Who can understand the wanderings of my mind and soul? There's no telling where I will end up on this journey of my life. Maybe next time I write, it will be something more interesting.